Counting Dates

I was crying about two or three hours ago. I guess I got overly sentimental na tipong umabot to that question na naman na, "Bakit wala pa rin akong boyfriend?" *Sabay hagulgol* Yeah, I'm crazy.

I saw this Bongbong Marcos look-alike guy who took me home probably two weeks ago after I watched the Bridge concert and he didn't even made a pass at me. *Hagulgol ulit*

Kahit na magkatabi naman kami sa upuan sa Sidebar. *Mas malakas na hagulgol*

Am I losing my charms? *sniff* Hehehehe

My evil twin na gurl na friend took me home at around 12:30am. Woke up around 2am after taking my "nap." And I started crying. Thoughts of...

"Ang ganda-ganda ko pero men don't love me. Sayang naman kung di dadami ang lahi!!"

"Ayoko ng makipag-date ever again."

Then I start counting, how many dates have I had for the past year? Oh my God! I cannot remember.

I try again. How many dates have I had last month? On the top of my head, I can think of four.

Four dates with four different people but I'm not exactly sure. Damn! Ganon ako kabenta?!! Now I wonder how many times do I got out in a year?? Sheeeett... player!!! Bwahahaha

And I thought again, "Why the hell wasn't I counting? Ano ako zombie lang na labas nang labas?!! Was I on automatic pilot when all of this was happening? Or probably the numbers just didn't matter because nothing right was happening."

Hmmm... or could be most of them were insignificant? Geesh, may pinaiyak kaya ako sa kanila? Oh my...

I remember this one guy. I think he proposed on the first date that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I think this was in 2002. I was in his car and we were on our way home. When he brought up the subject, I almost had an inkling feeling that I wanted to open his car door, jump out of his car, then roll out on the streets ala stuntman. On the second date probably a couple of weeks after the first incident. It was a Sunday. We were in UP Diliman, his UPM tambayan and he was asking me again if I can be his girlfriend.

Why didn't I say yes? 1) The proposition came too soon. 2) I was still debating whether he was my type or not. And decided in the end that he was not my type.3) He sounded desperate. 4) He scared the wits out of me. 5) He never bothered to ask if I like him. 6) Wala sa timing.

Ewan ko how I ended up telling him that I was in-between relationships. Where the hell did that come from? I mean, he's such a sweet man and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I just told him somewhere along the way that I was with somebody and that we're on a cool off. Buti na lang he didn't ask me to show proof. And hindi pa nadala, I think a year after that he asked me out again kasi sabi ko cool off ulit kami ng boyfriend ko. My snuffleupagus boyfriend... *roll eyes*.

Six months ago, I think I heard him say that he already has a girlfriend. *sigh of relief* And that he just got tired of waiting for me while I was in-between relationships. Bwahahahaaha! As if!!! Anyway, I just told him that I'm genuinely happy for him and really meant it.

I hope I didn't make him cry. Anlaki kasing lalaki nun at ang brusko ng itsura. Parang pag ini-imagine ko siyang umiiyak, ampangit e!

Okay, let's just change the counting technique. Can I count how many guys I like did I date for the past years? Let us just start with the current year 'cause the past years would be another looooong story.

So aside from this Bongbong guy, there's Mr. March. I think I met him around October or November 2003 in friendster. I was browsing through my other friendsters' friends and really found his picture appealing. Mr. nice smile with a backpack. I like men with big bags on their back. I was concentrating too much on his pic that when I sent him my "Pwede mo ba akong isilid sa bag mo sa susunod na akyat mo?" pick-up line---I didn't notice the status "In a relationship". Eeek! Oh well, it's not like he's gonna answer.

But then he added me as his friend. And when he announced his ym ID over the bulletin board, I added him to my YM. That time I think I wasn't still over with my date from June 2002 so I wasn't really paying too much attention. *lol*

Not until I started talking to him on YM last January 2004, I think. It was just chat, he made sense and we just got along very well. I just thought I like talking to him and I wouldn't want to see him ever. He's got a girlfriend and if they're doing okay then I'm out of the picture.

Then March came and he wanted to see me, personally. Style bulok na "He has never been to an EB in his entire life and he wanted to see me." Okay, fine. We had coffee. We talked. Had some good laughs then he took me home. I have one helluva miraculous grotto infront of my house near my gate that never failed and we were there talking. Then blame it on the miracles of the grotto or my enigmatic charms---he kissed me.

At the back of my mind my conscience was shouting at me, "He has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend."

And I could hear my naughtier conscience shouting out louder on the other side, "Di naman aagawin, di naman aagawin, hindi naman aagawin eh!"

My mistake was that I kissed him back. Then I asked him to go home and be faithful to his girl. Talk about mixed signals. And who wouldn't get mixed signals when two opposing forces are simultaneously yelling at you within your subconcious?!!

I think a few weeks after that he broke up with his girl. But before anybody starts throwing stones at me and sending me to hell, it was not because of me. I think he gave another reason when I talked to him a couple of months back on the phone---I just can't remember what it was. Do take note that I haven't seen him since March. I heard him say that he's been doing the rounds after one and a half year of being monogamous. After hearing that I ask myself again, "Why is he passing up the chance of making a pass at me now that he's free?" Bwahahaha

I will never understand men.

*sniff*


Fair enough, they don't understand me either.

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