Assume You're Perfect Excerpted from It's Not You, It's Him : The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating By Georgia Witkin, Ph.D.

About the book: In her upbeat new "rules" for finding lasting love, Dr. Georgia Witkin shows that the secret to dating without all the pain is to assume that you are perfectly lovable exactly as you are. When a good date goes bad, the problem is never you. It's him!

Some nice quotable quotes from the article:

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The real problem isn't you at all. It isn't your hair, your weight, your job, your hobbies, your accent, your family, or your perfume. It isn't that you're too choosy, cautious, or combative. It isn't that you're too shy or too social, too spoiled or too stingy, too career-minded or too marriage-minded. Somewhere, there is a guy for you . . . actually, many guys. But all you need is one. And he'll fall in love with you as you are. To him you'll be perfectly lovable.

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Dating is hugely simplified when you assume that you're perfect but that no man is ever going to be. When you assume that you're perfect, you realize that 90 percent of your dating efforts—constantly reinventing yourself to seem like Ms. Right for Mr. Wrong—have been a waste. The problem was never you. It was him.

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Write this principle on a Post-it and stick it to your mirror and refrigerator, write it on a card and put it in your desk, print it in your daily planner, and make it a screen saver.

It's not you, it's him.

It should become your mantra and your credo. Repeat it to yourself at least five times a day. Why? Because what we think leads to what we feel and do.

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Assume that you're perfect as you are . . . perfectly lovable, that is.

Assume that you're entitled, therefore, to be loved by a perfect man . . . just as you always wanted.

Assume, however, that there is no perfect man . . . in the whole world, and every man you meet will be imperfect . . . in many ways.

Assume that if he doesn't find you lovable, that's proof that he's imperfect . . . at least for you. In other words, always assume that it's not you . . . it's him!

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You'll start to look at each new man through your eyes instead of looking at yourself through his. You'll see dating as your opportunity to see if he's someone who might become special to you or someone you should say sayonara to.

Along the way, you may be tempted to fall back on your old doubts about yourself, especially if you've had some problems with romance lately. But you can practice your new thinking by focusing clearly on the primary principle:

It's not you, it's him.

Once you make that assumption, everything men say and do will be information about them, not you! If a guy doesn't treat you as perfectly lovable, you'll feel like a curious observer, a stern judge, or an amused bystander instead of wondering what you did wrong. You'll wonder what's wrong with him, not what's wrong with you.

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Amen to that.